.

im afraid.

im afriad that everytime he comes home, it will be for the last time.

that everytime he returns he'll have the news, and he wont be there for much longer.

i feel i wanna cry sometimes at just the thought of the cause, its unberable to think of the result.

i wish i had someone to tell this to. the only people i can even think about talking about it to would be curly or blondi, but sometimes their comforts are short lived and it sounds the same everytime. "hell be okay, it will all be allright in the end"

how the hell is that supposed to help wen theyre complete logicless, factless lies.

curly's birther helped a bit but i was still scared, she told me the truth and i respect that.


but then again, how the hell am i supposed to know what the truth is these days?
nobody tells me anything, i just have to over hear from my birthers phone conversations to their birthers.

its so frustrating not knowing...


where can i buy the truth and sell the lies?






where??



thats the only way im going to get them and get rid of them;

its like i dont ven have the right to the truth these days, like im some insignificant youth who should be glad the truth isnt being given to me. but i need it. they probly think that i wouldnt understand what going on, with the machines and the diagnoses and the procedures, but even so, being told what heppening to him would give me closure. it would help me know that they're doing everything they can think of. and thats just it. they cant think of anything to help him! and they're supposed to be professionals!

dont they know just how much damage they're putting us through. i guess not.

they dont know about his youthes, who im sure are all as scared as i am.





















i wonder how much longer im gonna have to go on lieying to gh. i cant believe im so frustrated at them for not giving me truth about him, and then im not even giving gh any truths,

but then again, in gh and i's case, it couldnt be down to life and death,


wasnt there a time in the world where ignorance was bliss, i guess that time has split in two now. so now ignorance is only bliss for some and not others.

i should tell gh

he deserves to know and hes starting to get on my nerves a lil. he annoys me soo much but he also confuses me sooooo much its doing my head in.


speak of the devil he just came online.

i guess i should go talk to him, i told gh he annoys me yesteray and he wanted to know why. i told him i didnt even know wat it was and he was persistent to know. so am i



S2 - monday aro, 29.1.07